Glad I'm Wrong About Anxiety
I've never been shy about my struggles with depression and anxiety. I figure it's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it's just as genetic as my height and those light blue eyes. This isn't so much a scientific hypothesis, but the cold hard fact of mental illness running wild on both sides of my family. We have those that self medicate with drugs or alcohol, then we have the rest of us who struggle with one diagnosable disorder or another.
I consider my problems to be controlled, but ongoing. It's much like alcoholism or even being a diet controlled diabetic. Take your pick. See, it's managed, but it's still there, rather than a disease that is cured.
Upon my resent visit to a primary care doctor, I started medication for high blood pressure. I can't say I was undiagnosed, because I'd been ignoring my GYN and even the Red Cross when I tried to donate blood for the last two years every time I was told it was running high.
The first couple weeks on the blood pressure meds were rough. I'm very sensitive to medications and they all make me sleepy. I did however notice that I didn't notice my heartbeat as often as I had been. I don't know how long it had run high, but I felt odd not noticing those spikes. The fact the it seemed normal to me is a little scary, but I like to think I'm young enough that I've avoided long term damage.
After the first few weeks, I started to notice a pleasant side effect that I did not expect. As I had explained to my doctor, I felt that my blood pressure was high mostly based on stess. It was, in my opinion, a nasty consequence of my anxiety struggles. Since both are common on either side of my family, it seems logical that they were intertwined.
My experience, in fact, in the month plus since I've been treating the high blood pressure has proved to be the exact opposite effect. Although my daily life is just as stressful as ever, I have taken it much better than I did before. Even on the occasions where I've had big blows that would usually send me into an anxiety attack, I've been mostly okay.
Don't get me wrong. The thoughts, feelings, and worry are the same. The overwhelming overwhelming-ness of things is the same.
The change is in the physical responses are where I have noticed marked improvement. Of course, just the obvious fact that my baseline blood pressure makes it take more to make my heart race with fear. Anxiety is, after all, a misplaced 'fight or flight' impulse. Those deep instinctual drives are not cerebral or rational. For example, staying in bed (flight) will only make financial dangers worse. Still, it's what I've wanted in the past wither I give in to them or not.
Without the extra effort required to combat all the physiological symptoms, I find myself more clear heading in a crisis than I have been in my whole adult life.
So the conclusion I've come to is that uncontrolled high blood pressure, at least in my case, exacerbated my anxiety struggles, not necessarily the other way around as I'd previously assumed.
I'd thought I'd had my problems figured out, but I'm glad to admit I didn't know everything there is to know in this case.
The first couple weeks on the blood pressure meds were rough. I'm very sensitive to medications and they all make me sleepy. I did however notice that I didn't notice my heartbeat as often as I had been. I don't know how long it had run high, but I felt odd not noticing those spikes. The fact the it seemed normal to me is a little scary, but I like to think I'm young enough that I've avoided long term damage.
After the first few weeks, I started to notice a pleasant side effect that I did not expect. As I had explained to my doctor, I felt that my blood pressure was high mostly based on stess. It was, in my opinion, a nasty consequence of my anxiety struggles. Since both are common on either side of my family, it seems logical that they were intertwined.
My experience, in fact, in the month plus since I've been treating the high blood pressure has proved to be the exact opposite effect. Although my daily life is just as stressful as ever, I have taken it much better than I did before. Even on the occasions where I've had big blows that would usually send me into an anxiety attack, I've been mostly okay.
Don't get me wrong. The thoughts, feelings, and worry are the same. The overwhelming overwhelming-ness of things is the same.
The change is in the physical responses are where I have noticed marked improvement. Of course, just the obvious fact that my baseline blood pressure makes it take more to make my heart race with fear. Anxiety is, after all, a misplaced 'fight or flight' impulse. Those deep instinctual drives are not cerebral or rational. For example, staying in bed (flight) will only make financial dangers worse. Still, it's what I've wanted in the past wither I give in to them or not.
Without the extra effort required to combat all the physiological symptoms, I find myself more clear heading in a crisis than I have been in my whole adult life.
So the conclusion I've come to is that uncontrolled high blood pressure, at least in my case, exacerbated my anxiety struggles, not necessarily the other way around as I'd previously assumed.
I'd thought I'd had my problems figured out, but I'm glad to admit I didn't know everything there is to know in this case.
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4/5/2008 12:50 AM
The Creative Nerd wrote:
The apartment complex I live in is owned by a personal injury attorney. No kidding. It sounds like a joke: What do you get when you cross a landlord with an ambulance chaser?We moved into our tiny one bedroom apartment September 1, 2005. It cost a small fortune in pet fees to get our well traveled felines in. Two-hundred dollars a head times three cats, plus an added twenty-five dollars a month per cat. Outrageous, yes, but they are family. In May 2006, the frayed screen in our bedroom window gave out. It was messed up when we moved in. ... -
4/5/2008 12:44 AM
The Creative Nerd wrote:
The apartment complex I live in is owned by a personal injury attorney. No kidding. It sounds like a joke: What do you get when you cross a landlord with an ambulance chaser?We moved into our tiny one bedroom apartment September 1, 2005. It cost a small fortune in pet fees to get our well traveled felines in. Two-hundred dollars a head times three cats, plus an added twenty-five dollars a month per cat. Outrageous, yes, but they are family. In May 2006, the frayed screen in our bedroom window gave out. It was messed up when we moved in. ...
Awesome blog entry. I, too, have a life-long anxiety disorder and after a few years of successful self-management, I'm coming to terms with the idea that I may need to seek treatment again. Which is fine, I guess--it's just a little blow to my ego.
I appreciate you for writing about the biological nature of the disorder--it helped me remind myself that this disorder isn't a personal failing, but a physical condition.
Good luck!
Cheers
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I think it's natural to feel that once we've been treated and got things under control, we should be alright after that. For me, I feel this way because I understand in an intellectual way how my problems work. I should be able to avoid the emotional consequences then, right? It feels like that should work, but it doesn't.
I wish you the best in your battle. Getting help is the best thing you can ever do.
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I'm right there with ya, girl! I take Inderol precisely so my symptoms don't get overwhelming. It does make me tired sometimes. Shoot, this whole anxiety thing makes me tired!
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It's more common than I would have ever imagined. Our crazy culture sure isn't good for mental health, is it?
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