The Truck Who Would Not Turn Off
Over the last few weeks our Suburban's ignition had been acting up. Inserting the key and driving were no problem. When Chris had to stop the car, take out the key, those little details, the key would not come out, so we couldn't turn the truck off.
With a little struggle, Chris had been able to get the key out. We figured it was partly the extreme cold weather. "Keep an eye on it" was our plan. It is times like these when I wish car insurance worked more like term life insurance or health insurance, so I could take my car in to the experts with a reasonable copay.
Thursday after dropping me off at work, Chris couldn't work the key out. At all, all day. After a call to his dad in New York for advice, he went to Auto Zone. By all accounts it was the lock itself, or at least the tumbler. I was blissfully unaware of the problem until Chris picked me up at 8:30 that night. Yeah, the engine had been running for eleven hours.
With my help (holding flashlight and whatnot), Chris was able to disconnect the wire that connects the engine to the steering wheel, then disconnect the battery. Finally, the engine was at rest.
I called into to work yesterday so I could help fix the thing. This is not to say that I know anything about car, or that I am mechanically inclined. I'm not. But neither is Chris. The idea was more that two intelligent people working together could accomplish the task.
To sum up the adventure I can say, at every step in the process came a point where I thought, "Shit, we're going to have to take it to a garage."
Chris had the steering wheel off before I was outside. He'd rented a gadget from Auto Zone take the top off the steering column. It almost looks like a giant cork screw. The hurdle was a little metal c-clamp around the rod running down the middle. The instructions they'd printed off at Auto Zone simply said "remove the c-clamp," with no recommendation as to method. It was obvious that we had to get under it, then pull it up the length of the rod.
Many tools (including a nearly successful attempt with a crochet hook) and personnel changes later, I finally got it using the now famous "two screw driver" method. One screw driver (flathead) is used to separate the open ends of the C, while a second screw driver (also flathead) is inserted behind the clamp. Then the first screw driver can be use to pull up from behind the end of the C. The first try showed it worked in theory. In several more, it was off.
The guts inside the column itself are a daunting mass of plastic and screws making up levers for such trivial parts as turn signals and hazard lights. To get to the ignition, I had to unscrew all of it innards, plus remove the knob for the hazard lights.
When we finally unearthed the screw holding the tumbler we were working to replace, Chris and I were so thrilled. Almost finished, cool.
Yeah, not so much. The screw had six points. What the heck?
Chris called his dad in Buffalo for advice. Torx screws were an unknown to both of us. My father-in-law, who upon previous some previous car trouble had offered apologies to me that he'd taught my husband to play baseball but not of fix cars, assured Chris we could get a driver for it at Wal-Mart. The phone ran in my hand when I went to call Kate about a ride to get the tools with her checking to see if we needed anything. We bought a little driver with interchangeable heads, plus a big set in case that was too small.
Within minutes of Kate dropping us off, Chris had the old tumbler in his hand. The new one, however, wouldn't slide into place. Chris tried, I tried. In an effort to establish which way to align the thing, we compared the old (still stuck with the key in the "on" position) with the new. It was soon clear to both of us that the part was not the same, the new having several more ridges and do-hickeys.
A call to Auto Zone revealed they'd sold Chris the wrong part the previous day. Kate, a friend indeed, again made the twenty minute drive to Farmington, so I could exchange the darn thing. Plus, we made an all important McD's stop.
Fed and with the right part, we resumed our work. Chris got the new tumbler installed. It was still harder than it looked to line it up correctly.
Then came the true test: Putting the bits and pieces back in such a way that they work. About six times, I had to take the screws back out and try again in a different order before all was set to right. For a while it looked as though the lever for the turn signal was impossible to place back in working order. When I was done, Chris tightened the screws, then used the giant cork screw device to put the lid thing back on. I replaced the C-clamp, even though I didn't want to replace the hardest part to remove, just on principle, with a reverse of the two screw driver method.
We contained our victory dance briefly while Chris tried to reconnect the wire he'd pulled to cut the engine off, finding it was connected (weird, but whatever), then reconnected the battery. Moment of truth.
We freaking did it!
The Sports Geek and the Book Worm took apart a steering column, put it back together and it worked.
On behalf of both Chris and I, I would like to thank those who helped make this feat possible. My father-in-law Dan for diagnosing the problem via long distance phone call and recommending Auto Zone. Liz, Kate's mom and my "Missouri Mom", for bring Chris a tool box the weighs nearly what she does. Carl, Kate's dad and owner of vast amounts of tools, who was kind enough to allow them to leave his barn. And Kate for providing transportation. Thanks, guys, we could not have done it without you.
Note to readers: if you ever run into this particular issue on a late model vehicle without an airbag, feel free to call on us. We'd be happy to use our experience to help. Might as well.
I can say without a doubt, now that we know how to do something and could repeat it without too much difficulty, we will never have that problem again. That would be to simple for our luck.
Wow! I can't believe you even tried to do that! I never would have. WTG!
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Simple math: the part cost $10. Taking the car in would have cost $150 or more. The felling of success, of course, priceless.
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